Sub-optimal

Standard

This week has definitely not been one of outstanding performance on any front. Tired. Sick. A bit low. Unmotivated.

So, motivation: what is it, and why don’t I have more? I’ve been thinking about the things I sink my teeth into and the ones I don’t. I would like to figure out what it is I really want to do and then do it.

when I look back on my career and even education, I seem to have veered significantly off-course. I was quite passionate about my undergrad and even masters’ studies (geography, culture) but once I got to my PhD, I lost it. I wasn’t that excited about anything I studied – any topic, any course. I did love working on my dissertation, but not necessarily on any of the literature on which it was based. I went on to teach education, about which I felt luke-warm at best. Some topics riled me up (equity and literacy) but not enough for it to be a calling.

Right now, what things get me excited? Infant sleep and breastfeeding. Decluttering. Family life. Home, family, mothering-based topics. And getting things done, at work or at home. Plus, watching my child learn, grow, advance.

In terms of work, some projects interest me but in different ways from how I get passionate about cleaning out my closet. Others, not as much.

I don’t know what this means about the work I do. Is it right for me? Is there something else that might be just right, the ME thing to do? If anyone asks me about my dream life, it’s to be a writer from home and home-school my kids. I keep coming back to that over and over – and yet I still don’t know if that’s my truth or just something I say.

Anyhow, those are my random thoughts for this evening. It’s 10:00, time to hang diapers, make kale chips (maybe) and go to sleep.

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