Break-downs and new limits

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I’ve been struggling for the past week or more and I don’t know what to do about it.

I’m definitely tired, in spite of a couple good nights’ sleep. Baby’s been waking up a lot and fussing and crying through the night.

I’m worried about my husband’s health.

I am not functioning well at work. All I want to do is read blogs about decluttering. Really, that’ll do it for me! At a minimum, I’d hoped to keep a more reasonable pace of work this semester. As in, take lunch breaks. Leave on time. Take water breaks. Instead, I’ve realized I have as much or more work and deadlines are coming quickly. I need to behave like a professional and I don’t want to. I”m stressed by the work, struggling to get all these tasks done, unable to find teh time to focus on the big projects.

I”m concerned by my presentation at work. How I dress. Is my hair done. How I chair meetings. Ways to better organize and introduce issues. The need to think through my case work more effectively. Yuck. I need to grow when I’d rather just stay home.

And naturally, today is the first day baby’s really seemed to want me during the day. IT took a while to leave my mom’s because she wanted to nurse. And nurse and nurse. And then she was asking for me at the end of the day.

And it’s 10:30 and she just went to bed and I’m exhausted and can’t believe my week is only half over.

I”m ready to quit my life but that’s not an option. At a meeting today they were going over all the international exchange programs they have coming up, and I would love to be in a position to do something like that.

I wish this was just grumpiness. Instead, it’s stress, overload, exhaustion and something else, not sure what.

With that: I have a bill to pay and a bed to get to.

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4 responses »

  1. It is generous of you to be so honest and forthcoming about not-so-great times…makes some of us feel not so alone. I am 100% convinced that sanity levels are directly proportional to levels of rest. I am going on 3 hours of sleep last night from this weird hormone thing with this pregnancy and it literally changes my perspective of eeeeeeverything. This, too, shall pass! Here’s to a restful night –maybe?

    • Thanks friend. I spent (still do) too much time feeling alone. And you’re right – so much of what we experience is shared, we just don’t take the time to tell each other so we never know that we’re all in this together. Hoping for some good sleep for you and me both. And hey, I also had strange no-sleep things when I was pregnant! One of the earliest signs for me – woke up at 3 a.m. and couldn’t go back to sleep :)>

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