Last night I dreamt about Red Square again. This time I was on some type of a camp exchange program in Russia with a group. We had been busy with various activities when I suddenly realized there were only 2 days before we left for home and I still hadn’t been to Red Square. In the dream I was frustrated with myself, wondering how I had neglected to visit a place I really wanted to see when I’d had 2 months or more to make it happen. I was rushing around trying to get permission, find the time, rearrange schedules, all to make a visit happen in the short time remaining.
When I woke up, I realized that the dream was about how I live my life. What are the things that are so important to me, that I can’t wait to do, that I’m putting off until it’s almost too late?
Once again, the same themes reverberate in my life. Too much multitasking, not enough focus and presence. Prioritizing housework and chores over relationships and family.
In all fairness, I certainly would not say that this is my dominant pattern, that I am unpresent or that I don’t make time for important things. It’s just not my go-to position. And again, in fairness to myself, I know both that I take care of things that are important (making healthy food, clean laundry, bills, health activities, getting in touch with people) and that order in my life and environment are attributes that enhance my quality of life. It’s just that I feel myself not embracing life and the important things in the vital, central, enthusiastic way I know they call out to be embraced. And I can imagine how my life would be enriched if I did so. I don’t understand how it’s so hard to get from here to there if it is so recurringly obvious to me that it is important.
On another note, day 4 of praying and I can see both the challenge and the benefit. With a later baby nap today and another absorbing chore (moving photos to a photo box and purging them) I didn’t particularly want to make the time to pray. Yet when I did, and took the time to refocus my attention on the words of the prayer, I found myself grounded, reassured and better prepared to move forward with my day. This daily prayer thing is powerful.