150 – 3 – 1

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150 blog posts. 3 years of marriage. 1 long day.

I’ve been blogging daily for about 5 months now. I’m amazed at how easily this became a daily habit. I just do it. It’s rarely a burden or a nuisance. I usually look forward to it. the only time it’s hard is when bedtime is long and hard and I’d rather just roll over and sleep. Why this habit and not others? Well, this blogging streak certainly confirms my love of writing and ability to persist with it. I’m curious and excited to see how it progresses. The next week should be a bit of a challenge – we’re heading on vacation for about a week and I’m not completely sure what blogging access will be like on the road.

3 years ago today was a crazy snowy day and a wonderful, beautiful wedding to a wonderful, handsome man. We’ve been remembering that wedding day lately and talking about what we liked about it. Last night we had some time to just sit and talk and bond in a way we haven’t lately. it was great, and really felt like a right way to celebrate 3 years. Today we tried to go for a walk with baby (way too cold and windy), got take-out pizza, and ate it on our new, finally almost finished but definitely in the house dining room table. We had grand plans of time together this evening, but that’s not happening. Bedtime for baby was long and hard, and though she was asleep by 7:30, husband was wiped and has a big headache, and I’m tired, worn out and slightly discouraged (baby-bed-wise, that is). We’ll look forward to more 3-year bonding on our trip.

Baby didn’t really nap today. She had about half an hour on the breast with her eyes closed, but that ended in tears when I tried to give her a bottle, and she didn’t sleep after that. She needed lots of attention today. My milk supply feels low. The house is still a mess. We now have only 1 day to pack for our trip. And I didn’t get to bake cookies today either. Blah.

Most of the blah comes from two sources. First, a full day with baby and a sad, crying baby in the evening is just no fun. She was very, very hard to comfort in spite of everything we tried. And then, milk. My breasts just keep producing less milk, and she gets frustrated and upset and starts crying when they run out so quickly. And she frequently refuses bottles – they’re too cold, they clog, they LEAK ALL OVER, or who knows what other reasons have her refusing the logical solution. I continue to torment myself with “what ifs” around my milk supply and have yet to make an emotional break-through to acceptance.

And, I need to pray more. While on vacation I’m trying hard to do morning prayers with baby. I hope that persists.

Off to bed.

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