Loss/Gain

Standard

Returning to work is not easy. But there must be reasons I’m doing it. Today was a bit of both.

On the down side is stress over my girl. Her eczema is getting a lot worse, but I don’t have the time to deal with it or figure out what to do. I did a bit of quick research online today, but really still have no idea what is wrong.

I spent most of the day stressed and rushing around. I kept trying to deep breathe. My abdomen feels hard and my chest doesn’t want to move. Trying to pump while stressed is also not working so well. I pumped twice, each time slowing down, breathing, looking at pictures of baby.

And the bigger loss: time with my girl, closeness, the relaxed pace of being at home with her. Yes, I sometimes get frustrated and down when I’m home too long alone. But I also get to see everything she does, feed her when she’s ready to eat, plan our time together based on what she needs and what works.

And then today I participated in a stimulating discussion group with some teachers and staff about creating inclusive classrooms. My mind was stretched, and I was able to contribute and get more ideas for the work I do. I loved it.

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