Tired

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I wanted to title this “exhausted”  but realized that I’m not there yet. But I am tired after some frequent night wake-ups, bottle needs (sometimes night nursing is enough – not the last 2 nights) and up later than usual. But I know other people are tireder. I’ve met a couple moms recently who each have 5 children. I cannot fathom. I know there are economies of scale, but still. Incredible.

Today contained an example of getting what you want unexpectedly. I’ve been craving some time off to myself to read. Before – before marriage and especially before baby – I could sit and read all day, read a book in a day or evening, motor through a pile of books in a week. It’s harder now, but I still miss it. Today baby went for a first nap by 8:30, slept until 10. She fell asleep on me and I didn’t want to wake her so I held her and read; then laid her down and read some more with a hand on her -when I moved it she moved, so I needed to stay there :). And this afternoon, after a brief fussy period, she went down for another 2-hour nap, similarly on my and beside me but restless and needing me there (she actually woke up twice to drink and I was able to feed her and rock her back to sleep). I got to read a whole book today, start to finish. Blessing! Blissing!

At the same time, though I know that breaks like that are vital for my well-being, I can’t honestly say that I bounced out of a day of reading with new energy, perspective and focus. I actually would have loved to continue reading the rest of the evening. Sometimes staying in the space of working and doing is easier than going in and out.

We are a week and a half into the latest round of renos. This round has expanded delightfully, including a brand new laundry room & pantry, with modifications to the back “sun room”, progress on the bathroom, and work on the office, including making a writing space for me. All the new storage and finishing work will make living here so much more pleasant. And I’m looking forward to getting there, as I still really don’t enjoy living in a dirty, messy, chaotic house, particularly with a now-mobile baby who puts everything in her mouth.

And now, bedtime. I hope to have more energy to enjoy my daughter and the summer weather tomorrow.

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