Linking inside and outside

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Today was about not getting annoyed when things don’t go my way. I can’t claim complete success, but I stayed aware and chose mostly to be up rather than down.

Let’s start with a drive across the lake with Baby to a friend’s to pick up some milk, and two stops along the way owing to hiccuping and crying. Irritated? No. If baby needs a break, she does. On the second break I decided to enjoy the pause and rather than walk circles in the parking lot of the strip mall I wandered under the arcade and into a shoe shop. Where the man who held the door for me spoke in Russian to the woman working there, to whom I then answered the question “how old is she?” in Russian, leading to a lovely conversation, a chance to drag out my rusty language skills, and an invitation to visit again. Wonderful interlude! Thank you, baby!

She fell asleep on the last part of the drive, at last, but woke up on arrival – disappointing as she was already overdue for her nap and tired. And she slept on the way home so I chose not to stop for groceries. And chose to phrase it “chose not to stop” rather than “couldn’t stop” as these things are always choices. I admit, though, that when I got home at 2 and she woke up from another too-short nap, and was sad and upset, I was annoyed. I wanted her to sleep, because she needed it and I was tired. But I chose to let it go.

Then later, with nothing to do before dinner, I decided to try gardening. We need to get in more veggie seeds, do some weeding, etc. I hadn’t tried gardening before with a now-mobile baby. Let’s just say that the weeds are still going strong. Every time I would don my gloves, grab a gardening tool and get to the bed I wanted to work on, she would move to the edge of the blanket and grab some grass, maple seed or something else to eat. While I approve philosophically of babies eating nature, I disapprove practically of babies choking on inedible substances as she has in the past. So off come gloves, down goes tool, over goes mom and moves baby back into place. Repeat indefinitely. I tried telling her not to eat them, and this worked sometimes (little smartie!) but not always. Finally I accepted defeat, i.e., victory, a chance to play outside with my baby.

Then my husband came to help, and he started staking tomatoes, and I tried to help him but same problem. And the sound of the screw gun upset her. So I gave up, let go and walked around with her. After he finished that project he took her and I worked out any remaining frustration on the back tomato bed, which is now weeded and somewhat pruned. And I felt pretty happy.

Finally, after a messy dinner, bedtime. Not. In spite of minimal naps she did not want to nurse or sleep. So we went on a long walk, which usually does her in. Not. But then she nursed, bottled, cuddled, and now is asleep. And during this whole process I let myself enjoy what we were doing and not worry about how things should be going. It was time with my amazingly precious baby. It was a beautiful summer evening. It was family time. She will eventually sleep. And this blog post will eventually get written.

Even if I have to get up and feed her and put her back to sleep again.

To conclude: my outsides today could have affected my insides. In the end I only let them do this when it was an influence for the better. And I let my interpretation of things be positive so I enjoyed what was happening around me. Choosing a peace-filled reality, one day at a time.

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